Wednesday, July 1, 2009

BIos Part 3

Shane Randa #57


Discovered: 6/9/1989
Title: Shabbbby
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Amphibia
Order: Caudata
Family: Ambystomatidae
Genus: Ambystoma
Species: A. mexicanum
Super subspcies: S. Randa A. mexicanum


Origin: The land of clap catches
Native to: Oswego, IL
Wishes he were from: South Park, CO
Height: Medium-Rare
Speed: Quick, but not too quick
OBP: .359, uses full powers rarely
Most common stance: Looking adorable, before making knee breaking cut, then adorable again
Communication: Will disagree with you out of spite, then not apologize. Hurtful
Fraternity Life: No
Natural hair color/shape: Dark Brown
Body Type: Strongly Strong, hidden beneath strongness
Strengths: Strength, teaching math ability, fakes
Weakness: Story telling ability (lie if you arent exciting, none of us are)
Highlight: Any layout, more importantly the recovery after an ugly one
Lowlight: The aforementioned layout upon impact
Keenan's Favorite Thing: His ability to astound with knowledge one minute then tell a dirty joke the next
Fun Fact: Once fit 18 dwarfs into his truck bed in order to prove that you can bring 2 baseball teams in one car
See also: Ultimate, Oswego, Child Stars, Mathematic educators ate Tomorrow (MEAT)

Kevin Yee #55


Discovered: 10/6/1987
Title: Jelly Master
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Mammalia
Order: Carnivora
Family: Ailuridae
Genus: Ailurus
Species: A. fulgens
Super subspcies: K. Yee A. fulgens


Origin: A tube in the unmentionables section
Native to: Palatine, IL
Wishes he were from: Chicago for Da Bulls
Height: Medium
Speed: A quick asian!!! Brilliant
OBP: 0.198
Most common stance: Discussing the validity of Chicago sports trades and player's stats
Communication: High level sports, medium level normalcy, low level nerd-dom
Fraternity Life: no
Natural hair color/shape: Black, buzzedish
Body Type: Stringy
Strengths: Sick cuts, dropping stats, dropping rhymes
Weakness: Nicknames
Highlight: Knocking around bizarro Yee on Wisconsin B, using rarely seen talent of heckles that leave subject in tears
Lowlight: Huck Finn 07, we'll call it the K Shah incident
Keenan's Favorite Thing: Ability to keep up with 3 TVs at once at the 31
Fun Fact: Has uncanny ability to run tables for hours on end, enter at your own risk
See also: Chicago Bulls, Cubs, Ultimate, Three Legged Races

Kai Kosog #51


Discovered: 8/29/1990
Title: The woodsman
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Mammalia
Order: Carnivora
Family: Canidae
Genus: Canis
Species: Canis Lupus
Super subspcies: K. Kosog Canis Lupus


Origin: Raised by wolves
Native to: Geneva, IL
Wishes he were from: Montana
Height: Medium-Well
Speed: Quick, added by layouts
OBP: 0.576
Most common stance: Flying through the air for a D
Communication: Bilingual, knows both English and language of the wild
Fraternity Life: No, one man wolfpack
Natural hair color/shape: Blonde, medium
Body Type: Gymnast
Strengths: Being strong, no regard for own health, ability to seduce anyone
Weakness: Foot fetishes (only speculated, maybe)
Highlight: Crushing Belmont with layouts at Music City
Lowlight: Losing a wrestling match with a bear
Keenan's Favorite Thing: Is the cousin of the boyfriend of a cousin of mine. Wowzers
Fun Fact: Can tame and ride a wild boar within 24 hours
See also: Ultimate, gymnastics, lifeguarding, woodsmanizing

Joe Kirchberg #41


Discovered: 2/20/1988
Title: Crazy Indiana Transfer Guy
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Repitilia
Order: Squamata
Family: Viperidae
Genus: Crotalus
Species: Crotalus basiliscus
Super subspcies: J. Kirchberg Crotalus basiliscus


Origin: East of Illinois in the state that shall not be named
Native to: His facebook doesn’t say, lame
Wishes he were from: Atlantis
Height: Shortish
Speed: Quickish
OBP: Highish
Most common stance: Laughing, then the quality stare down
Communication: Uses clever words and phrases to confuse the weak minded, like a jedi
Fraternity Life: Not at Illinois
Natural hair color/shape: Dark, short
Body Type: Strong through powers unimagined
Strengths: Being underestimated then crushing, ability to eat massive amounts, spidey-sense
Weakness: Knees
Highlight: Being the best junior rookie of all year
Lowlight: Still having to be a rookie even though he was older than the other rookies (Vets looked upon his situation favorably, most of the time)
Keenan's Favorite Thing: Ability to thwart my attempts to create a good bio by having little information available
Fun Fact: Woke up at 5am and skipped class to make it to Mardi Gras first because it was also his birthday
See also: Ultimate, Illinois > Indiana, Unconvential sporting events

Peter Lutz #39


Discovered: 7/19/1988
Title: Private Ultimate
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom: Animalia
Phylum: Chordata
Class: Vertebrata
Order: Carnivora
Family: Felidae
Genus: Panthera
Species: Pardus
Super subspcies: P. Lutz Pardus


Origin: Born of the cosmic waste to bring harmony to the earth
Native to: Glenview, IL
Wishes he were from: Imaginationland
Height: Tall guy
Speed: Keenan-esque
OBP: .390
Most common stance: Jumping over someone
Communication: Useful combination of words and utilization of ROTC powers if that doesn’t work
Fraternity Life: yes
Natural hair color/shape: Brown, army cut
Body Type: Robocop
Strengths: Being tall, being intimidating, grows stronger the more heckled
Weakness: Kryptonite
Highlight: Callahan against Kansas at Mardi Gras 09
Lowlight: Arriving late to sectionals, but awesome once there
Keenan's Favorite Thing: Ability to protect me from the crazy people out in the world with supreme ninja powers
Fun Fact: Can swim in water with full combat loading. Speculation remains on whether will still work in pudding
See also: ROTC, ultimate, water balloon artillery

1 comment:

Mickey said...

I could be wrong but I'm pretty sure Joey "Loppe" Kirchberg is from Glenview, too.