| Andrew Schmid | #99 |
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| Discovered: | 11/24/1986 |
| Title: | Schmoopy |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Carnivora |
| Family: | Mustelidae |
| Genus: | Mustela |
| Species: | M. mustela |
| Super subspcies: | A. Schmid M. mustela |
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| Origin: | Created by his father's chemistry power and borne of his mother |
| Native to: | Downers Grove, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Chicago |
| Height: | 1.4 Oompa Loompas |
| Speed: | Quick to Fast, dependent on shins |
| OBP: | .871, he is only one man |
| Most common stance: | Camped out in front of the box with no shirt |
| Communication: | Uses entertaining words such as per se and slumber, holds record for most texts in a one hour period |
| Fraternity Life: | negatory |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Dark, varies from hippie long to army short |
| Body Type: | Jacked |
| Strengths: | Knowledge of the game, attendance of logo night at murphy's every week, NBA jam |
| Weakness: | Poetry girl |
| Highlight: | Shutting down Hands at sectionals, determining the proper flowrate of a beverage dispenser |
| Lowlight: | Breaking said beverage dispenser |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Installation of hangboard in apartment, usage of monstrous amp at parties to "rock it" |
| Fun Fact: | Has the ability to create a nickname for someone within seconds of meeting them, has younger brother at Illinois who has been confused for him by past roommate |
| See also: | Ultimate, Downers Grove, Long boarding, Halo Halo Halo |
| Matt Novak | #82 |
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| Discovered: | 3/25/1990 |
| Title: |
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| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Perissodactyla |
| Family: | Tapiridae |
| Genus: | Tapirus |
| Species: | Tapirus terrestris |
| Super subspcies: | M. Novak Tapirus terrestris |
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| Origin: | A movie theater, why? I need something good |
| Native to: | Aurora, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Naperville, who doesn’t if you're from Aurora? Just kidding homie |
| Height: | Tall-subTall |
| Speed: | Faster than slow |
| OBP: | .132, but is super adorable |
| Most common stance: | Confused, but then asking how to do better |
| Communication: | Rare, leads to shy appearance |
| Fraternity Life: | no |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Brown, minimal |
| Body Type: | Strength hidden behind baggy clothes |
| Strengths: | Intensity on the field, hilarious comments off |
| Weakness: | Looking goofy |
| Highlight: | Monster layout D against Western Michigan at Huck Hinn 09 |
| Lowlight: | Poor showing at first Road House event |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Taunting McKinley on the first night of spring break with the two headed girl |
| Fun Fact: | May have a man crush on Andy, has him quoted on his facebook |
| See also: | Ultimate, Cubs, youtube, future sophomores of tomorrow |
| Jon Ogrodnik | #80 |
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| Discovered: | 8/20/1987 |
| Title: | Facial Hair God |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Carnivora |
| Family: | Mustelidae |
| Genus: | Gulo |
| Species: | G. gulo |
| Super subspcies: | J. Ogrodnik G. gulo |
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| Origin: | Chuck Norris' beard |
| Native to: | Wheeling, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | A land without the ability to grow facial hair and be their god |
| Height: | Medium |
| Speed: | Not real fast, but not real slow |
| OBP: | 0.198 |
| Most common stance: | Looking intimidating, stroking mustache |
| Communication: | Twitches mustache in elaborate communicating system, if that is ineffective uses words |
| Fraternity Life: | No |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Dark brown,close cropped |
| Body Type: | Unimportant, look at the beard |
| Strengths: | Backhand, ability to create spectacular custumes for theme parties |
| Weakness: | Need to shave every hour in order to tame the beast |
| Highlight: | Playing out of his mind D, several occasions (Ball State foremost) |
| Lowlight: | 21st Birthday at Brothers, as in second Highlight *highfive* |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Ability to grow more facial hair in a week than all the freshmen combined |
| Fun Fact: | Has an extensive musical collection with an emphasis on new age and classic rock |
| See also: | Ultimate, Schick Quattro, The most interesting man alive |
| Dave 'Splash' Janociak | #77 |
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| Discovered: | 6/23/1989 |
| Title: | Mr. Splashtastic |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Cetacea |
| Family: | Delphinidae |
| Genus: | Tursiops |
| Species: | Tursiops truncatus |
| Super subspcies: | D. Janociak Tursiops truncatus |
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| Origin: | The deep blue |
| Native to: | Lemont,IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Sea World |
| Height: | Medium-Tall |
| Speed: | Faster than you would think, for a land creature |
| OBP: | High, rumored at least .845 |
| Most common stance: | Swimming through puddles after layout practice |
| Communication: | Laughter, if that fails echolocation |
| Fraternity Life: | No, but then yes |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Light brown, akin to a bowlcut |
| Body Type: | Normal, until you see his dorsal fin |
| Strengths: | Breathes water, will layout for a disc anywhere within 15 ft of person |
| Weakness: | Dry skin, crossfield hammers |
| Highlight: | Puddle jumping Mardi Gras 08 |
| Lowlight: | Discovering that bad plays result in diminishing nickname (Splash > Splish > Drip > Sandy) |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Once lashed two sea turtles together with his own hair to create a raft in order to exact his revenge on Captain Barbossa |
| Fun Fact: | Recruited Andy and Brandon to play ultimate at Illinois, how he managed is up for debate. Scooby snacks viable option |
| See also: | Ultimate, Flipper, Ping Pong, Synchronized Swimming |
| Spenser Murakami | #66 |
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| Discovered: | 12/23/1987 |
| Title: | Style Patrol |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Carnivora |
| Family: | Eupleridae |
| Genus: | Fossa |
| Species: | Fossa fossana |
| Super subspcies: | S. Murakami Fossa fossana |
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| Origin: | Hatched from the egg of an eagle, nursed to health by a wolf, and taught numbers by Einstein |
| Native to: | Naperville, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | A more normal origin |
| Height: | Medium |
| Speed: | Fast |
| OBP: | 1.000 |
| Most common stance: | Attempting one handed grabs with unnecessary jumps |
| Communication: | Uses hip glasses to lure people into conversations, then astounds with smartness |
| Fraternity Life: | no |
| Natural hair color/shape: | black, short |
| Body Type: | Ironman |
| Strengths: | Speed, style off the field |
| Weakness: | Minimal, sources close to the subject say dirt under fingernails |
| Highlight: | Roasting Chicago at sectionals for multiple scores |
| Lowlight: | Point against Texas at Mardi Gras 09, the point that would not end |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Repping Naperville likes its going out of style |
| Fun Fact: | Has introduced girlfriend on a bus, but has not been to a party (to my knowledge), smart play sir |
| See also: | Naperville, Ultimate, Speedness, quickeration |
It's been another fun ride gents, I'll be seeing all y'all when we get back in August. Until then,
Unglockables,
Keenan
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