Google is probably the most well known search engine out there. And what are search engines for? They are for looking up stupid stuff like biographies of famous artists and the number of atoms in a mole and random stuff like that. But what they are also good for is seeing how cool you are compared to other people with your name. In this flagship edition of Sarver’s Searches, I will attempt to bring you the most ridiculous results Google comes up with when you type in a Boomlander's names.
This week we are honoring the eldest, wisest member of Boomland: Jordan ‘Grandpa’ Miller. Jordan has seen things we only read about in history books. Jordan lived through joyous events such as the release of the Nintendo Entertainment System, Windows 1.0 and the debut of the Mercury Sable and the Ford Taurus. He also had to endure such tragedies as the crashes of Midwest Express Airlines Flight 105 and Arrow Air Flight 1285, both in late 1985. He can still remember the terrible shock of seeing the disastrous scene on the news as he told me in this interview, “I can still remember the shock of seeing the disastrous scene on the news, it was terrible.” So, to pay tribute to Jordan before he goes senile, I have chosen to do the first search on him.
Amazingly, when I searched for his name, one of the first searches I found was ‘U.S. Figure
Skating Champion’, so naturally I went with that one. Jordan Miller (not to be confused with Jordan Miller) began skating at age 4. Skating was his passion, and he was often teased for wearing his skin tight Lycra unitard to class in high school. He didn’t let that shatter his dreams of ice dancing to the Footloose soundtrack though. In 2003 he became a member of the State Farm/U.S. Figure Skating Scholastic Honors Team. He now judges U.S. Figure Skating competitions nearly every weekend. Jordan Miller’s interests include the television show ‘Lost’, Sprite, golf and cooking. He also has a strong passion for debate. He currently holds the title of ‘Apprentice Debater’ but he hopes to one day make ‘Master Debater’. Jordan lives alone with his 4 cats.
So when you see Jordan at practice, take a minute to appreciate him and remember he’s not just some old dude that plays Frisbee with us, he’s OUR old dude
Skating Champion’, so naturally I went with that one. 
3 comments:
'94 sables are awesome...especially when they break down 800 miles from champaign!
I'm assuming "Sarver's Searches" is in reference to trying to find out who exaclty this "Sarver" character is
Ah, yes, the Midwest Express accident. I remember it like it was 22 years, 5 months, and 15 days ago. There I was, 3 days old, enjoying some fresh milk, and then this shit happens. Totally put a damper on my "I Escaped The Womb!" party, but luckily Super Mario came in to save me from my infant depression...
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