Bios, part 1

It's been quite a while gents, and I've completed enough of the bios that I won't look like a complete idiot by starting to put them up. Numerical ordered, so if you reside at the end they're going to take a little bit more time for me to get them up.
Special thanks to Cozza for creating mine.
Enjoy

Mike Cozza	#21
Discovered:	1/2/1987
Title:	The Bozza
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Carnivora
Family:	Herpestidae
Genus:	Suricata
Species:	S. Suricatta
Super subspcies:	M. Cozza S. Suricatta
Origin:	Conceived by the power of Downers Grove
Native to:	Downers Grove, IL
Wishes he were from:	Downers Grove, IL
Height:	Enough shorter than Kelly that it's entertaining but not unacceptable
Speed:	Quick off the draw, but slower at high speeds
OBP:	1.000
Most common stance:	Twirling discs while throwing fakes
Communication:	A clever combination of knowledge of ultimate and chemical engineering
Fraternity Life:	No, but he has seen the debacles that ensue at a fraternity
Natural hair color/shape:	Dark Brown, normal, short
Body Type:	Average white engineer
Strengths:	Completing ill advised hucks, finishing form of pulls
Weakness:	Process Design, power directly related to current events in Downers Grove
Highlight:	Any of the hammers completed for scores, being a reference for McLain
Lowlight:	Any of the hammers turfed, any white sox loss
Keenan's Favorite thing:	Man dates and a bottle of O
Fun Fact:	Home residence is on the street with the best block party in Downers
See also:	Downers Grove, IL, women's ultimate photography, ultimate couples

Andy Kilinskis	#16
Discovered:	9/20/1990
Title:	The preeminent music source
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Vertebrata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Lagomorpha
Family:	Leporidae
Genus:	Bunolagus
Species:	B. monticularis
Super subspecies:	A. Kilinskis B. monticularis
Origin:	He was conceived where the music flows
Native to:	Downer's Grove, IL
Wishes he were from:	Wherever tight pants are made
Height:	Taller
Speed:	Faster than Keenan but slower than Sul
OBP:	0.76
Most common stance:	Rocking out
Communication:	Uses a complex form of pelvic thrusts and lyrics. Effectiveness minimal for males but females seem to fall for it
Fraternity Life:	No
Natural hair color/shape:	Long flowing brown hair
Body Type:	Thin with a hint of muscle
Strengths:	Forehand, knowledge of indie music
Weakness:	Simple Plan
Highlight:	Throwing the furthest forehand in Boomland history
Lowlight:	Drive to Mardi Gras in which Chrysler and Myself filled in his history with out own theories, enter Simple Plan
Keenan's Favorite thing:	The pants
Fun Fact:	Doesn’t actually like Simple Plan, also responds to Annnndddddyyyyyy
See also:	Sisterhood of the traveling pants, ultimate, paramore, ridiculous forehand

Alex Komisarz	#15
Discovered:	8/9/1989
Title:	Montrose Beach Life Saver Guy
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Primates
Family:	Cercopithecidae
Genus:	Erythrocebus
Species:	E. patas
Super subspcies:	A. Komisarz E. Patas
Origin:	Chicago El platform nearest Montrose Beach
Native to:	Chicago, IL
Wishes he were from:	The suburbs so he could have a drivers license
Height:	Average to Moderate
Speed:	Quickish
OBP:	.452, but could increase at a moments notice
Most common stance:	Grabbing self
Communication:	Antiquated sailing flags used to tell danger on the beach
Fraternity Life:	No
Natural hair color/shape:	Blonde, subpar for mohawk but attempts must be made nonetheless
Body Type:	Lifeguard
Strengths:	Uncanny ability to retrieve things the captains tell him to
Weakness:	Activating jump too early and wasting bounces over the guy he's guarding
Highlight:	Sectionals, that’s right, all of it
Lowlight:	Tie Dye team at Music City, mustache man in particular
Keenan's favorite thing:	The red flag from spring break
Fun Fact:	Has rare ability to remain in the sun all summer and not gain significant tan
See also:	Spring Break, Baywatch, Ultimate, America's Worst Drivers

Pin Chu 'Jasper' Wu	#9
Discovered:	Unknown
Title:
Scientific Classification:	Taiwanese night market salesman
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Primates
Family:	Tarsiidae
Genus:	Tarsius
Species:	Tarsius tarsier
Super subspcies:	P. Wu Tarsius tarsier
Origin:	Wherever the ancients gather to bestow their knowledge
Native to:	Taichung, Taiwan
Wishes he were from:	Middle America, just to show farmer's whats up
Height:	Medium
Speed:	Fast
OBP:	unknown, estimated to be high
Most common stance:	Befuddlement, rubbing in sunscreen
Communication:	Difficult at times, but readily understandable if you know him
Fraternity Life:	no
Natural hair color/shape:	Black, but not the weird hair associated with many "trendy" asians
Body Type:	Stringy
Strengths:	Hard throws, emails to the listserv
Weakness:	Cole slaw, Cozza's name
Highlight:	Any layout D, the rare appearance at a party that inspires greatness in everyone around him
Lowlight:	Huck Finn 07, see weaknesses
Keenan's Favorite Thing:	Inexplicable ability to be happy whenever seen
Fun Fact:	Is willing to attempt to gain tour of Chicago for a friend in exchange for her buying dinner for said tour guide. Applicants still welcome
See also:	Taiwan, Ultimate, Culturally enriching experiences

Kyle McKinley	#8
Discovered:	12/8/1987
Title:	El Capitan del grupo Boomland
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Odontoceti
Family:	Monodontidae
Genus:	Monodon
Species:	monoceros
Super subspcies:	K. McKinley monoceros
Origin:	January 29, 1843; Niles, Ohio
Native to:	Bartlett, IL
Wishes he were from:	Manchester, England
Height:	Slightly vertically challanged
Speed:	87 / 100
OBP:	0.895
Most common stance:	Looking intense, breaking clipboard on knee
Communication:	Typically uses phrases involving what you should or shouldn’t do. Ie - more catching, less sucking, etc
Fraternity Life:	No
Natural hair color/shape:	Wavy, brown, surfer dude style
Body Type:	Man of Iron
Strengths:	Pregame speeches,
Weakness:	2 headed girls, Mark DeRosa crush
Highlight:	Wrestling an alligator on the golfcourse, threats of knee breaks for dues
Lowlight:	First night of spring break 09, "daddy needs…"
Keenan's Favorite Thing:	Spending hours looking into his eyes, bailing me out when cuts go south
Fun Fact:	Kyle can kill two stones with one bird. Youre welcome world
See also:	Manchester United, Mark DeRosa, Ultimate, Parenting Tips

Tom Rudwick	#3
Discovered:	3/20/1989
Title:	King of Washington
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Artiodactyla
Family:	Camelidae
Genus:	Lama
Species:	L. glama
Super subspcies:	T. Rudwick L. glama
Origin:	Test tube
Native to:	Falls Church, Virginia
Wishes he were from:	Illinois to be like everyone else
Height:	Moderate
Speed:	Fast, but not at the combine level
OBP:	0.129
Most common stance:	Looking good as a O line long
Communication:	Uses an elaborate system of laughs and run on sentences to interact with others
Fraternity Life:	Negatron
Natural hair color/shape:	Brown, curliness up for debate
Body Type:	"Intimidating" white engineer
Strengths:	Willingness to taunt other team
Weakness:	Getting feelings hurt in return by other team, throwing things in his sleep
Highlight:	Returning from his hand injury, dominating as a starting long
Lowlight:	Being made to get food from late night with the rookies
Keenan's favorite thing:	Lack of claiming east coast is better than the midwest. Silly belief that the Nationals are an OK baseball team
Fun Fact:	Lives mere miles from Washington D.C. but claims no plans for world domination
See also:	Virginia, Taylor Swift fan club, Ultimate, Lawn Tennis

Joe Sidrys	#2
Discovered:	5/14/1989
Title:	Tall Guy
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Mammalia
Order:	Artiodactyla
Family:	Giraffidae
Genus:	Giraffa
Species:	Giraffa camelopardalis
Super subspcies:	J. Sidrys Giraffa camelopardalis
Origin:	A tale race of gingers somewhere over the rainbow
Native to:	Tennessee via Downers Grove
Wishes he were from:	Krypton
Height:	2 Sprites
Speed:	max 2nd gear
OBP:	.000
Most common stance:	Attempting to jump, but cheating by being tall
Communication:	enV2 he refuses to call people he doesn’t know with
Fraternity Life:	no
Natural hair color/shape:	Red, but has tried to attract females with purple mohawk
Body Type:	Tall, with a gangly emphasis
Strengths:	Height, intimidation
Weakness:
Highlight:	Destroying DeSmet at Huck Finn
Lowlight:	Getting pulled over on the way to Baton Rouge, then again in Baton Rouge serving as the valiant DD on the way back from New Orleans at Mardi Gras
Keenan’s favorite thing:	Running faster than Joe, barely, and its debatable
Fun Fact:	Has offered to use house in Illinois and Tennessee as a tourney stay, luckily has only regretted that decision once
See also:	Ultimate, Tall, Ginger, Minivan rolling

Keenan Hammel	#1
Discovered:	4/27/1988
Title:	Captain of the University of Illinois’s Men’s Ultimate Disc B-team, Boomland
Scientific Classification:
Kingdom:	Animalia
Phylum:	Chordata
Class:	Aves
Order:	Pelecaniformes
Family:	Sulidae
Genus:	Sula
Species:	S. nebouxii
Super subspcies:	K. Hammel S. nebouxxi
Origin:	His mothers womb
Native to:	Naperville, IL, 1st and Daniels
Wishes he were from:	Downers Grove as can be seen in his summer league allegiance and his roommate Andrew has tried to convert him
Height:	Taller than you, but not tall enough that you couldn’t sky him
Speed:	Average
OBP:	0.345
Most common stance:	sprawled out on ground after a layout
Communication:	Often will toss hat on ground to show frustration, if point is not received by other, will resort to taking shirt off. Who knows how far this species will go.
Fraternity Life:	Yes, now no
Natural hair color/shape:	brown/ball, not purple like first commonly thought
Body Type:	Average white engineer
Strengths:	Getting in trouble for phonebook debris
Weakness:	girls with annoying voices
Highlight:	Beating Ball State
Lowlight:	Dropping pulls (even though it was an improvement), Losing to DePaul for the 2nd and 3rd time ever
Cozza’s favorite shirt of his:	Cheer Up Emo Kid
Fun Fact:	Took the #1 after Don Charles retired
See also:	Ultimate, Potato sack races, Daily Illni Article about Unofficial, Phone book ripping, Team basketball watching