It's been quite a while gents, and I've completed enough of the bios that I won't look like a complete idiot by starting to put them up. Numerical ordered, so if you reside at the end they're going to take a little bit more time for me to get them up.
Special thanks to Cozza for creating mine.
Enjoy
| Mike Cozza | #21 |
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| Discovered: | 1/2/1987 |
| Title: | The Bozza |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Carnivora |
| Family: | Herpestidae |
| Genus: | Suricata |
| Species: | S. Suricatta |
| Super subspcies: | M. Cozza S. Suricatta |
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| Origin: | Conceived by the power of Downers Grove |
| Native to: | Downers Grove, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Downers Grove, IL |
| Height: | Enough shorter than Kelly that it's entertaining but not unacceptable |
| Speed: | Quick off the draw, but slower at high speeds |
| OBP: | 1.000 |
| Most common stance: | Twirling discs while throwing fakes |
| Communication: | A clever combination of knowledge of ultimate and chemical engineering |
| Fraternity Life: | No, but he has seen the debacles that ensue at a fraternity |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Dark Brown, normal, short |
| Body Type: | Average white engineer |
| Strengths: | Completing ill advised hucks, finishing form of pulls |
| Weakness: | Process Design, power directly related to current events in Downers Grove |
| Highlight: | Any of the hammers completed for scores, being a reference for McLain |
| Lowlight: | Any of the hammers turfed, any white sox loss |
| Keenan's Favorite thing: | Man dates and a bottle of O |
| Fun Fact: | Home residence is on the street with the best block party in Downers |
| See also: | Downers Grove, IL, women's ultimate photography, ultimate couples |
| Andy Kilinskis | #16 |
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| Discovered: | 9/20/1990 |
| Title: | The preeminent music source |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Vertebrata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Lagomorpha |
| Family: | Leporidae |
| Genus: | Bunolagus |
| Species: | B. monticularis |
| Super subspecies: | A. Kilinskis B. monticularis |
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| Origin: | He was conceived where the music flows |
| Native to: | Downer's Grove, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Wherever tight pants are made |
| Height: | Taller |
| Speed: | Faster than Keenan but slower than Sul |
| OBP: | 0.76 |
| Most common stance: | Rocking out |
| Communication: | Uses a complex form of pelvic thrusts and lyrics. Effectiveness minimal for males but females seem to fall for it |
| Fraternity Life: | No |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Long flowing brown hair |
| Body Type: | Thin with a hint of muscle |
| Strengths: | Forehand, knowledge of indie music |
| Weakness: | Simple Plan |
| Highlight: | Throwing the furthest forehand in Boomland history |
| Lowlight: | Drive to Mardi Gras in which Chrysler and Myself filled in his history with out own theories, enter Simple Plan |
| Keenan's Favorite thing: | The pants |
| Fun Fact: | Doesn’t actually like Simple Plan, also responds to Annnndddddyyyyyy |
| See also: | Sisterhood of the traveling pants, ultimate, paramore, ridiculous forehand |
| Alex Komisarz | #15 |
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| Discovered: | 8/9/1989 |
| Title: | Montrose Beach Life Saver Guy |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Primates |
| Family: | Cercopithecidae |
| Genus: | Erythrocebus |
| Species: | E. patas |
| Super subspcies: | A. Komisarz E. Patas |
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| Origin: | Chicago El platform nearest Montrose Beach |
| Native to: | Chicago, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | The suburbs so he could have a drivers license |
| Height: | Average to Moderate |
| Speed: | Quickish |
| OBP: | .452, but could increase at a moments notice |
| Most common stance: | Grabbing self |
| Communication: | Antiquated sailing flags used to tell danger on the beach |
| Fraternity Life: | No |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Blonde, subpar for mohawk but attempts must be made nonetheless |
| Body Type: | Lifeguard |
| Strengths: | Uncanny ability to retrieve things the captains tell him to |
| Weakness: | Activating jump too early and wasting bounces over the guy he's guarding |
| Highlight: | Sectionals, that’s right, all of it |
| Lowlight: | Tie Dye team at Music City, mustache man in particular |
| Keenan's favorite thing: | The red flag from spring break |
| Fun Fact: | Has rare ability to remain in the sun all summer and not gain significant tan |
| See also: | Spring Break, Baywatch, Ultimate, America's Worst Drivers |
| Pin Chu 'Jasper' Wu | #9 |
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| Discovered: | Unknown |
| Title: |
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| Scientific Classification: | Taiwanese night market salesman |
| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Primates |
| Family: | Tarsiidae |
| Genus: | Tarsius |
| Species: | Tarsius tarsier |
| Super subspcies: | P. Wu Tarsius tarsier |
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| Origin: | Wherever the ancients gather to bestow their knowledge |
| Native to: | Taichung, Taiwan |
| Wishes he were from: | Middle America, just to show farmer's whats up |
| Height: | Medium |
| Speed: | Fast |
| OBP: | unknown, estimated to be high |
| Most common stance: | Befuddlement, rubbing in sunscreen |
| Communication: | Difficult at times, but readily understandable if you know him |
| Fraternity Life: | no |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Black, but not the weird hair associated with many "trendy" asians |
| Body Type: | Stringy |
| Strengths: | Hard throws, emails to the listserv |
| Weakness: | Cole slaw, Cozza's name |
| Highlight: | Any layout D, the rare appearance at a party that inspires greatness in everyone around him |
| Lowlight: | Huck Finn 07, see weaknesses |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Inexplicable ability to be happy whenever seen |
| Fun Fact: | Is willing to attempt to gain tour of Chicago for a friend in exchange for her buying dinner for said tour guide. Applicants still welcome |
| See also: | Taiwan, Ultimate, Culturally enriching experiences |
| Kyle McKinley | #8 |
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| Discovered: | 12/8/1987 |
| Title: | El Capitan del grupo Boomland |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Odontoceti |
| Family: | Monodontidae |
| Genus: | Monodon |
| Species: | monoceros |
| Super subspcies: | K. McKinley monoceros |
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| Origin: | January 29, 1843; Niles, Ohio |
| Native to: | Bartlett, IL |
| Wishes he were from: | Manchester, England |
| Height: | Slightly vertically challanged |
| Speed: | 87 / 100 |
| OBP: | 0.895 |
| Most common stance: | Looking intense, breaking clipboard on knee |
| Communication: | Typically uses phrases involving what you should or shouldn’t do. Ie - more catching, less sucking, etc |
| Fraternity Life: | No |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Wavy, brown, surfer dude style |
| Body Type: | Man of Iron |
| Strengths: | Pregame speeches, |
| Weakness: | 2 headed girls, Mark DeRosa crush |
| Highlight: | Wrestling an alligator on the golfcourse, threats of knee breaks for dues |
| Lowlight: | First night of spring break 09, "daddy needs…" |
| Keenan's Favorite Thing: | Spending hours looking into his eyes, bailing me out when cuts go south |
| Fun Fact: | Kyle can kill two stones with one bird. Youre welcome world |
| See also: | Manchester United, Mark DeRosa, Ultimate, Parenting Tips |
| Tom Rudwick | #3 |
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| Discovered: | 3/20/1989 |
| Title: | King of Washington |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Artiodactyla |
| Family: | Camelidae |
| Genus: | Lama |
| Species: | L. glama |
| Super subspcies: | T. Rudwick L. glama |
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| Origin: | Test tube |
| Native to: | Falls Church, Virginia |
| Wishes he were from: | Illinois to be like everyone else |
| Height: | Moderate |
| Speed: | Fast, but not at the combine level |
| OBP: | 0.129 |
| Most common stance: | Looking good as a O line long |
| Communication: | Uses an elaborate system of laughs and run on sentences to interact with others |
| Fraternity Life: | Negatron |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Brown, curliness up for debate |
| Body Type: | "Intimidating" white engineer |
| Strengths: | Willingness to taunt other team |
| Weakness: | Getting feelings hurt in return by other team, throwing things in his sleep |
| Highlight: | Returning from his hand injury, dominating as a starting long |
| Lowlight: | Being made to get food from late night with the rookies |
| Keenan's favorite thing: | Lack of claiming east coast is better than the midwest. Silly belief that the Nationals are an OK baseball team |
| Fun Fact: | Lives mere miles from Washington D.C. but claims no plans for world domination |
| See also: | Virginia, Taylor Swift fan club, Ultimate, Lawn Tennis |
| Joe Sidrys | #2 |
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| Discovered: | 5/14/1989 |
| Title: | Tall Guy |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Artiodactyla |
| Family: | Giraffidae |
| Genus: | Giraffa |
| Species: | Giraffa camelopardalis |
| Super subspcies: | J. Sidrys Giraffa camelopardalis |
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| Origin: | A tale race of gingers somewhere over the rainbow |
| Native to: | Tennessee via Downers Grove |
| Wishes he were from: | Krypton |
| Height: | 2 Sprites |
| Speed: | max 2nd gear |
| OBP: | .000 |
| Most common stance: | Attempting to jump, but cheating by being tall |
| Communication: | enV2 he refuses to call people he doesn’t know with |
| Fraternity Life: | no |
| Natural hair color/shape: | Red, but has tried to attract females with purple mohawk |
| Body Type: | Tall, with a gangly emphasis |
| Strengths: | Height, intimidation |
| Weakness: |
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| Highlight: | Destroying DeSmet at Huck Finn |
| Lowlight: | Getting pulled over on the way to Baton Rouge, then again in Baton Rouge serving as the valiant DD on the way back from New Orleans at Mardi Gras |
| Keenan’s favorite thing: | Running faster than Joe, barely, and its debatable |
| Fun Fact: | Has offered to use house in Illinois and Tennessee as a tourney stay, luckily has only regretted that decision once |
| See also: | Ultimate, Tall, Ginger, Minivan rolling |
| Keenan Hammel | #1 |
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| Discovered: | 4/27/1988 |
| Title: | Captain of the University of Illinois’s Men’s Ultimate Disc B-team, Boomland |
| Scientific Classification: |
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| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Aves |
| Order: | Pelecaniformes |
| Family: | Sulidae |
| Genus: | Sula |
| Species: | S. nebouxii |
| Super subspcies: | K. Hammel S. nebouxxi |
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| Origin: | His mothers womb |
| Native to: | Naperville, IL, 1st and Daniels |
| Wishes he were from: | Downers Grove as can be seen in his summer league allegiance and his roommate Andrew has tried to convert him |
| Height: | Taller than you, but not tall enough that you couldn’t sky him |
| Speed: | Average |
| OBP: | 0.345 |
| Most common stance: | sprawled out on ground after a layout |
| Communication: | Often will toss hat on ground to show frustration, if point is not received by other, will resort to taking shirt off. Who knows how far this species will go. |
| Fraternity Life: | Yes, now no |
| Natural hair color/shape: | brown/ball, not purple like first commonly thought |
| Body Type: | Average white engineer |
| Strengths: | Getting in trouble for phonebook debris |
| Weakness: | girls with annoying voices |
| Highlight: | Beating Ball State |
| Lowlight: | Dropping pulls (even though it was an improvement), Losing to DePaul for the 2nd and 3rd time ever |
| Cozza’s favorite shirt of his: | Cheer Up Emo Kid |
| Fun Fact: | Took the #1 after Don Charles retired |
| See also: | Ultimate, Potato sack races, Daily Illni Article about Unofficial, Phone book ripping, Team basketball watching |
